its 3:00 in the morning.
i hear you caugh
from the bathroom.
i look at you.
your bloodshot eyes,
with a straw to your nose.
you look up but say nothing as i leave.
is this what has happened to us?
drugs and misery.
is this what you have done to yourself?
destroying your body.
i try to get you to stop,
but just wont listen.
you dont even hide it anymore.
you usesd to be secretive
about it.
but i see.
i see your pills,
the powder,the weed.
ive seen it all.
and youre destroying us,
in the process of this.
the trust i had for you,
faded.
the love i have for you,
it weakens.
i wish you never did these things.
they come between us,
and are more important to you than i am.
i miss the old you.
carefree,sweet,so loving.
but the drugs made you different.
you changed.
you drink your pain and sorrows away.
you drink until youre numb.
til youre even numb of me.
but you once said to me,
that you would try to quit.
look at you now....
months later,
your even worse.
you have no time for me.
but make way for your drugs.
it hurts me to see you like this.
i love you so much,
but you do these things.
i cant leave you like this.
youll end up killing yourself.
and i cant let that happen.
i just cant,
but i dont know why i just dont leave you anyway.
if i stay,will it matter?
will it matter,
what my choice becomes?
if i stay,
are you going to keep
your promises or the things
you say youll do?
i dont know.
im on the border line of just leaving.
i dont want to,
but i feel i have to.
to make you realize something.
to realize that everything,
is not always fun and games.
like me.
im no toy to a game.
im a girl.
a girl who needs love.
which now,is your love
and i need it.
do i have it?
you say i do,
but i dont feel it.
you say you love me,
but it doesnt feel like you do.
empty words they are,
floating in the air.
those words have no meaning
behind them.
and if i stay,
will i be given your love,
and you really mean it?
but if i choose to leave,
would you came after me,
and lesson be learnes.
that you realized
i was never a game.
i was never bad,
but so much more that that.
i was important to you.
that i was something you wanted,
and more than anything else.
and that youll try for me.
or will it again,
make no difference.
you wont notice until you
sleep in your empty bed alone.
you wonder where i went,
but dont care to look.
you wonder what happend,
but dont care to finr out.
i want you to care.
i want you to care so much,
but icant change you.
if i leave,
i want you to come after me
and say youll do better.
i want you to try.
but i dont know what youll do.
i never know.
summer wind
ttrees sway and grass flutters dry
in the cool summer breeze.
i look upon the gloomy grey sky,
as i lay onthe grass.
only the sky wasnt ugly
to me,but peaceful.
i lay here,
thinking of only you.
memories i remember.
i look into the sky,
and i see them all rushing back to me.
i feel the light breeze blanket my face,
as i close my eyes taking it in.
of a sudden, you.
you are my sky.
you are hovering over me.
you lie next to me,
and i feel your warmth
creep on me giving me goosebumps,
to feel your breath in my ear.
i never knew,
how much i longed for youe lips on mine.
until now.
i fely your soft lips moving
sweetly and effortlessly
as mine did with yours.
i didnt know,
how much i wanted to be
touched by you.
until this very moment.
your hand on my arm,
on my face,
caressing it down my neck.
your gentle touch,
always feels so good on my skin.
your lingering smell,
makes me crazy.
your hair moving in the
winds light summer breeze,
your eyes locking with mine.
i feel them stare into me.
this is the moment,
i wish would last forever.
being with you,in your arms,
intertwining mt fingers in yours.
i love this moment.
my heart skiped a beat.
i feel all i have for you.
and i feel,
how you feel for me.
i know that you care.
laying in the dry grass,
the light breeze flows heavier,
as it starts to rain.
i look into yours eyes.
light green they are,
and they speak of what
youre thinking.
i know you love me.
i whispered,i love you,
to you as you said it back.
i only wish this could go on,
and last forever.
you tore my heart out,
a million times.
and again fixed up
all the little pieces.
but that was never enough.
and it never will be.
the first time my heart broke,
it felt like the end
of the world.
then you made the pain fade.
but it was still within me,
and waiting to fill the tear.
and that first time,
i was never the same.
i never loved right.
i never trusted quite the same.
when my heart breaks,
i feel it.
each piece breaking off
so slowly and painfully.
its not the end of this world,
but its the very
end of mine.
everything falls away,
leaving nothing,but me..broken.
and me waiting for someone
to build up my world agian.
and love me.
and finally make me happy again.
until they break me.
and leave me there in pain,
once more.
they want nothing to do with me anymore.
everyone that i learn to trust and love,
and become happy with,
all leave me.
and i never know why.
but i keep thinking,
that its them
its their fault.
they are the ones who dont want me.
but i know,
the real answer.
its me.
it always has been.
i shut down,becaise my
heart is broken
and i am afrain to open up.
i have fully given up on love.
and it,love,is always going
to be something that i will
never understand.
i have a million questions,
for just you.
and i only wish youd
answer this one,
do you really love me?
i want to know.
because you dont even
act like you do.
you act like you hate my being,
every cell,
every fiber in me.
is there something
wrong with me?
i ask myself that same
question
over and over everyday.
nothing i can think of,
because i never did anything wrong.
it seems like youre
trying to drive me away.
you look at other girls.
you never talk to me,
but talk to her.
you never look at me.
i think i hate you.
but that,
i know is not true.
it could never be.
even though,
you might hate me
i dont hate you.
i love you.
but the loathesome looks
you shoot at me.
the hurtful words that sting my heart.
i just dont know
if you even love me anymore.
i wish i could ask you my m,illion questions,
but i know you wouldnt listen,
i know you wont care,
and i know you wont answer.
but i need to know.
all i need to know for now,
is if you even want me.
Masons girl
Mason and I went out awhile back.
It didn't work .I really don't know why.
Our dream was out of whack,
Went spinning off, and so we let it die.
Mason and I are back together
He’s seamed to have changed, and now he seams to want me
I can't explain the happiness I find from the fact that he wants me again
Mason smiles at me and something makes me glow.
The deeper I fall for him again. The less I see that he would have 4ever hurt me when in not with him i miss him etenaly.
